Relationship, family, partners, co-workers... In any case, it's all about communication. And that means misunderstanding. This effect is based on several foundations, which not only pile up but also contradict and interfere with each other.
The first foundation.
All living beings have this thing in common - the limited volume of attention, that is, the amount of information per unit of time that the creature is able to keep in focus without being distracted. This volume of attention also has breadth and depth.
For example, my wife, like many women, can watch a movie, work, reply to messages, read a book and talk to me at the same time. This is the width that is personally inaccessible to me at all, I stop at watching a movie, this is already above the roof for me.
And I, in turn, like many men, can dig one question all the way down to the very core of the Earth, decomposing everything into Higgs bosons. My wife will start yawning yet on the molecules, but I will not rest until I get to the very bottom of it.
At the same time, our maximum attention volumes are approximately the same, if measured in megabits per second, just the directions are different. And it means the same thing for both versions - it won't fit anymore.
The second foundation.
Women are focused on the family and survival in society: they see well who looked at whom; hear who and how is breathing; remember for years who said what to whom and how. Men are more inclined towards achieving specific goals and self-reflection while nothing needs to be achieved. Of course, these are not universal rules for everyone, but quite accurate directions for the majority of people.
The third foundation.
All people judge everyone else by themselves. Both men and women. This is how our brain works because it’s a machine for predicting future events. Like any computer, our nervous system works by comparing the elements of its database, that is, memory, with each other. So how else can we judge, if not by ourselves? To ourselves, to our feelings, we compare everything. And since it is much easier to boldly put another person on yourself than to get into his / her own skin, we are making many mistakes.
It seems to an average man that there is nothing easier and more reliable than to directly say what you want. And an average woman finds it humiliating, intrusive, and boring, while the attentive attitude to a loved one, so natural to her, guarantees automatic guessing about their desires. Both are wrong, of course :)
The fourth foundation.
The fifth foundation.
A healthy free Adult, and not a frightened, offended, capricious Child or a dogmatic Parent, is the basis of a successful personality capable of clear communication, and awareness of their feelings, desires, thoughts, words, and actions. And how many of those are there? Yup, close to zero.
The ability to declare one’s desires and boundaries, the ability to ask - all this is not even a dream for most people, and neither is peace. We play, we don't communicate. We manipulate rather than open up for intimacy with the Other. Simply because we do not know how, because we are shy and afraid.
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